Connect the Dots

by | Jul 7, 2015 | Sales Training

Leaders have all had gut feelings that warned them their counterparts may be speaking dishonestly dishonestly. Most of the time these gut feelings are accurate because subconsciously we identified verbal and/or behavioral anomalies that didn’t fit the situation. There are many common myths and stereotypes surrounding deception detection and unfortunately most of them are false. Unfortunately there is no magic clue that always alerts leaders to deception. There is however, a system they can follow to elevate their subconscious warning signals to their conscious decision making processes. Leaders must connect the dots to complete the picture and derive full meaning from what they see and hear if they want to truly understand what their gut feelings are telling them.

Dot 1: Establish the Behavioral Norm

You can’t know what people look like when they are lying until you know what they look like when they are telling the truth. First you need to establish what people look and sound like when they are telling the truth. You accomplish this by opening the discussion with several topics you feel your counterpart should have no reason to lie about and mentally cataloging the specifics of their verbal and non-verbal behavior as they respond. The characteristics of their responses form their truthful behavioral baseline, which you will use for future comparison.

Dot 2: Observe Behavioral Clusters

Science has yet to identify a single behavior that always indicates truth or deception. Therefore, it is important to look for groups of behavior that deviate from the truthful baseline. As an example, when people scratch their arms it may be because their arms itch. However, when people cough, blink rapidly, and turn their heads to watch themselves scratch their arms it becomes more likely these behaviors indicate an increase in stress.

Dot 3: Identify the Trigger

After you observe the behavioral cluster you need to immediately ask yourself “What was just said, or what just occurred, to cause the behavioral shift?” The trigger could be something you said, a question you asked, a stressful part of their story, or even another person passing through the room.

Dot 4: Evaluate Within the Context of the Situation

Context is king. Similar behavioral shifts can mean very different things in different situations. It is critical that you accurately determine the most likely meaning of any behavior shifts you see within the context of the situation they occur in. Connect all the dots by asking yourself “What is the most likely reason this person’s behavior would change how and when it did in the context of this situation?” You may conclude they were nervous, scared, lying or possibly telling you the truth and afraid you wouldn’t believe them.

To Summarize, if you want to attempt to determine if people are being honest with you remember to Establish the behavioral norm, Observe behavioral clusters that deviate from the norm, Identify the trigger that caused the change and Evaluate everything you observed within the context of the situation. Connecting these dots will create the clear picture you are looking for.


Michael Reddington, CFI is an executive resource, the president of InQuasive, Inc. and the creator of the Disciplined Listening Method. He teaches leaders from all industries and specialties how to apply strategic, ethical persuasion techniques in all of their conversations. To learn more contact Michael directly at +1 (704) 256-7116 or